Shadows

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Silence

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Happy New Year

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Wild Blue Yonder-Ponderings about my Dad

 My dad....

Crank it up, Dad

I could feel him on that pass.

My dad and his love for flying.  Can't be matched.  For as long as I can remember, my dad has talked, breathed, bled airplanes.  When we were small and even into our adult lives, driving in a car with my dad always led to an airport.  I have been in every small, broken down airport hanger west of the Mississippi...and even a few in Mississippi.  Long before there was Internet so he could check, his basic instinct of all that smells like airplane fuel, could guide him blindly to the next small strip of blacktop at the end of a windsock.  It seemed it was always hot, your legs sticking to the plastic chairs in the "office" (usually just a small room right of the hanger door) and the coins he gave each of us bought us stale peanuts and a pop in a glass bottle.  I didn't understand as a small child what I do as a grown adult.  I was watching... and learning too, about how a passion and love for substance turns into a lifelong quest, not for perfection, but for pure joy, gratification and solace. 

He builds and rebuilds old airplanes, venturing into exotic places like Mexico to old crash sites to find the parts he needs.  His latest project is coming to a close, I see the excitement in his eyes and he tells me about his plans for the "test flight".  I love that sparkle when he makes me go into his "hanger" he just had to have on his property, in the middle of the night (cause that is when I arrived), with a flashlight to see the engine he just rebuilt.  I don't understand what I am looking at but I understand what it means to him. 

His prominent affection is crop dusting.  He is the best I have ever seen. I always said when I grew up I wanted to be a flagger for my dad.  I had not had the chance to photograph and preserve for all time, his passion.  He went along with it "cause there is that one field that needs spraying".  As I felt him pass me that day in the field, hearing the deafening roar of his Supercub, I could sense his pride in a job well done, his excitement for living his dream, and watch his true love holding him in the palm of her hand...

 and I wondered what it must feel like to soar.

I love you , Daddy.

Is it Spring?

Winter has lingered on and wrapped itself around me like an old blanket.  I see glimpse of affirmation in a few warm afternoons, but I wonder.  My promise of spring came not in a bloom in my garden but a self purchased gift from the produce section of the local grocery.  It's spring to me even if it came in a cardboard box from Ecuador.

Letter to Dane-Leaving for Army Basic Training April 23

I want you to know how proud I am of you. Your choice to serve our country is a huge one and one I know you don't take lightly. Whey they say "the price of freedom isn't free" I know the true meaning. The sacrifice you make wont be easy but know I am here at home, cheering you on, praying for your safety and longing for your homecoming.

Jordan and Dane

 Dane and Dad

Dane and Bradley

The time we've had together since you moved home has been a blessing.  I love that you love to sleep in late, that you help me with laundry and dishers.  I love that you are a giving, loving, kind spirit, always with a easy smile.  I love your layed back attitude and you are easy to feed!   I adore your corny jokes, they make me giggle every time.   I cherish the moments we get to spend together alone, our little catch me up chats and our heartfelt discussions about life.  I will miss you from the very depths of my being and soul.

I am so excited for you to start this new part of your life.  It's going to define who you will become but never lessen who you already are.  Live every moment, soak in all the adventures and remember to listen  carefully in the quiet of the day or night and you will hear me whisper "I love You".

Mosaic Monday-Longing for Spring

It's Mosaic Monday....Here's my longing...Spring...Will it ever get here?

Join me at Little Red House for wonderful mosaics.

Lessons Learned

Our newest grandbaby comes to visit us often.  We take the responsibility of some of his learning very seriously.  We make sure he had educational books and toys, we encourage his baby talk, we show him how to brush his hair and teeth...all the things his parents do but we reinforce his learning.  I am mindful of the lessons we teach all those around us.  But in the kitchen, during a quiet moment between the three of us, Gran, Poppy and Bradley, I had the joy of watching simple lessons learned.  Jim was eating Oreo cookies dunked in  milk, B was sitting on the counter watching him and then picked up an Oreo and dunked it in Jim's milk...whole hand and all.  Results...no words spoken, no plans made....lessons learned.

It's My Birthday

Today is my birthday.  It's not going to be a huge celebration, just family and friends over a couple of pizza's but mine just the same. 

Windsor HIgh School Boys Basketball team was playing in the championship game in Boulder last night...
We lost but I am proud of the kids.
I talked Jim into taking me to Black Hawk for my birthday.  He said yes.

We sat down at a table of 3 Card Poker, played one hand and in the next the lady sitting next to me got jackpot hand dealt to her.  This hand won her the progressive, $1500.00 plus her winnings and all of us playing with her $100.00.  We then spent the rest of the night playing on the house. 

At midnight, I after telling the entire casino...or maybe just my Blackjack table...it was my birthday, the dealer let me cut and on the first hand dealt me a Blackjack.  We were playing single deck blackjack and on the second hand from my cut....I stood up and shouted

"It's my birthday"  and flipped over another Blackjack.

Two Blackjacks in a row!!!  It's going to be a very good year for me.

On the corner of 71st Ave and Hwy 34 there was an old homestead.  The place called to me for the longest time....begging me to find it's inner beauty.  I stopped one afternoon and it revealed itself.  I stood for over an hour listening to it whisper of families who lived there...happy times and of neglect to destruction it had become.  I loved that old house with but a few windows and when the light was just right....artistry.

I drove by today and all that is left of my little house is a pile of junk...peices of the past lying in a heap.

But I remember...

Breathe

Oh what a busy time my life has become.  I am dancing as fast as I can and it is not enough.....I need to stop

.......and Breathe

Chase N Me

My sweet little Chase...you were so close to me I could hear your breath, I could smell your shampoo and feel  warmth radiating from your soul.  Two seconds before you were wrapped in concentration with your gaze upon some unknown puzzle... you knew I was there, your hand upon my knee, reaching out to say "watch and I will show you a secret".  You lifted you head and for a twinkling or an eternity, I don't know which, I saw it all in your profound blue eyes.....

 I am peace and serenity 

 I am love and hope  

 I am all that is gentle and kind 

 I am faith and grace 
I am what is possible

I am...

I am You.

Thank you for bestowing to me your secret, I promise to enclose it in the folds of my heart, let it nourish my soul
 and cherish it for all time.



Colorado Sunrise

Yesterday I woke up in a foul mood...not normal for me, I am usually pretty cheery.  My head was cloudy, I didn't feel well and the previous week was  beyond stressful.  I prompted myself to work anyway and God lit up the sky with a beautiful sunrise. I cried as I maneuvered my way down Hwy 392, talking to him as I often do...like he is an old favorite friend.

 "I know you did that just for me, but I don't feel like a beautiful sunrise today, thanks anyway".   

But He insisted, didn't turn off the lights to the peaks, but planted a seed of memory for me.  Of times not so hard and tears of joy instead of pain, of a body that loved the mornings and even reminded me of why I carry my camera everywhere I go...to stop, get out of my warm car, breath in the crisp Colorado morning and look at His wonder, accept His gift and be thankful.

I am reminded of a saying I used a long time ago

Getting over a painful experience is like crossing the monkey bars

...at some point you have to let go so you can move on.

Yesterday I was blessed when I didn't deserve it, today I am moving on.

Mosaic Monday-Baby Bradley

Baby Bradley....bathtub...really only the sink...wet just the same...

Please join me at

Little Red House

For Mosaic Monday....there are some great mosaics there.

Colleen's Store

A couple of days ago, I tried to surprise my friend for her birthday and failed. I moved 2 hours away from her so it was a crazy plan.   She wasn't home, but I broke into her store and shopped anyway.  We started a journey together many moons ago.  We are creative soul mates....we can talk about our passion for days without end.  She moved out to the country and started working on her little shop.  She slaved over the details and made her husband nuts with plans, but he did as she asked and now Prairie Peddler is now a reality.  The first day I walked into her little shop, tears ran down my face as I exclaimed "Oh, Colleen, your dream has come true." 

 This is Colleen's dream....

 Cut not the wings of your dreams,

for they are the heartbeat and the freedom of your soul.

~ Flavia ~

I love and miss you dearly, Colleen

Winter

Winter has kept me close to home.  Not that I mind....but my cranky body keeps me close not allowing me to wander very far with my camera.  Cranky, because I find as I get older I do not tolerate the cold as I once did.   Growing up at the base of Wolf Creek Pass in southwest Colorado, winter came early in October, blanketing the ground with white wonder and staying long after the first notion of spring.  I loved it there.  I was always up on the mountain partaking in winter by skiing, snowmobiling, ice skating and cross country skiing.  I don't remember my body being "cranky".  So now one block from my house I capture winter. This is it...not a flake of snow this day but alluring in it's own measure.

Happy Birthday, Chase

Today is the birthday of a little boy who is very special to me.  Chase...celebrates his third birthday today.  Three whole years...where does the time go. 

His birth is a well written story of love....love of mothers really.  Two mothers and a grandmother to be closer to the truth.  And I would say his birth started as a prayer for us all.  A prayer from one mother for the gift of a baby she could not have, a prayer from another for a baby she wanted but couldn't keep and a prayer of courage from me to help lift them both up.  Jordan, in the most precious and abundant love only a mother could understand, gave Chase to Jen who in the most precious and abundant love only a mother could understand gave us more than we all could have dreamed of and gave themselves back and more.


Adoption....dear, true and a gift from God to all of us.


We have an open adoption...where we can see Chase when we want and share in his life thru a wonderful blog by Jen and thru letters and emails.  Chase has a brother he shares with us.  Tate loves cars and trains and using blocks to build elaborate creations.

Adoption...dear, true, abundant selflessness


 I first gave everything I am to a special little girl, my daughter, on the day she was born who became Chase's mother.  She gave everything she was to him, a chance.   Now both of  us race thru his veins and when he listens closely he can hear us whisper..."I love you, no matter what." 

I am so proud of you, Jordan
I am so thankful for you, Jen
I am so blessed to have you, Chase.

My Mother

My mother has cancer....again. She was given her news the day before her birthday in 2003. She has fought and won....twice. Now the beast is back. I have been blessed to be able to be with her during the first few weeks back, with breaks from my work at a school and luck...I guess. Many would not think going to treatment was luck or sure not a blessing but when I look at the minutes I may have left with my mom, each is a blessing even at treatment.


The cancer treatment center should be a place of sorrow but I see hope in every drip thru the I.V. tube. My mom sees hope too. Sometimes she is brave, sharing her story with others as they are tethered to their chairs for two to three hours. Sometimes she is the only listening ear that understands her new friends fears. Sometimes she is the delicate aging woman, with wrinkled hands reaching for me for support.


For the first time, this time, I looked into the eyes of my mom and saw confusion for just a second before I saw the tears as she whispered, "I can't remember what we were talking about just now." I cried, as I held her shaking hand, blaming her "chemo brain" for her short memory, knowing that along with the chemicals that were raging in her body to save her life...again...she was also slipping into the unknown for us both. That place that all mature people go where memory is short, where I will have to remind her of what happened a minute ago, a year ago and a lifetime ago.


I ask God for the patience to do just that. Remember and remind...


But today, I will remember her like this picture...my family was coming to my house to celebrate September birthdays, to surprise my sisters and mom, when they arrived I started snapping pictures like they were coming down a red carpet...so today I will remember my mom, on the red carpet, eyes full of life like the movie star she is to me.

I love you, Mom.....

Mosaic Monday

Mosaic Monday at

Little Red House

Come see all the great artists and their Mosaics.

I love fences...I love the way their repetitive lines draw to or away from me.  They sometimes lead to an adventure or keep me from danger. I never let them box me in or define my space and thru my lens they are a thing of beauty.

Mosaic Monday

Little Red House: Mosaic Monday



Welcome to my first Mosaic Monday.  Whew....that was scary.
I am working on my goals already this year by posting for the first time on another blog.  If you are seeing my pictures for the first time, welcome and I look forward to hearing your comments.

Possibilities

I was inspired this year by The Blue Muse not to set a resolution but to pick a word or have a word pick me that represents what I see in 2011.

Possibility

My 2011 word.  I thought about what possibility would look like and came up with the photo.

Before the BIG snow

Next to the the porch, below the front window, behind the bushes remains a little of what was yesterday and what is today.

Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow

but a vision. But today well lived

makes every yesterday a dream

of happiness, and every tomorrow

a vision of hope. Look well,

therefore, to this day.

Favorite Shots from a Favorite Place

I have a favorite place right down the street from me to shoot photos.  I go there and let the place speak to me.  I have taken 100's of photos of this place which is abanded, broken and to me with just the right light....

BEAUTIFUL.

It is funny when you let the location choose the photo you get some of your favorite shots.